Five is Still Little

Lately my sweet joyful Alexandra has been struggling. She has wanted to be right near us, doesn’t want us to leave and struggles going to bed on her own. 

Since moving into our home she has had her ups and downs. Her whole life, up until six months ago, she has always shared a room with her sister. 

I attributed her need for having me around to this transition. We really have only been in our house for a short time (even though it feels longer). 

Last week my mom took Thursday off to go hold her newest grand baby. My mom is also the librarian at the girls’ school. When I picked Alexandra up from school her teacher informed me that Alex was extra clingy. She said she hoped Alex wasn’t getting sick, but maybe it was because her Nana wasn’t at school. 

Saturday night I went to go and see the new baby and have some time with him as well. Alex cried when I left and struggled going to bed without me. At midnight she was crying and saying, “I just miss you.” I brought her to bed with us. The next day we made the plan that she could sleep in mama and dads room on Friday nights, after a week in her bed. This plan pleased Alexandra and I thought this was the end to the interesting evenings.

Sunday night, after reading Frosty the Snowman, Alexandra began to cry. 

She asked, “What if you die while I’m still little?” 

This (I think because Tim’s mom passed while I was pregnant) is one of my biggest fears. Trying to hold myself together, I asked, “What had made you ask this question?” 

Her response, “Like my friend who’s daddy died.” 

Recently our community lost a husband, and daddy to three, in a terrible accident. 

I responded to Alex by reminding her that because our family loves Jesus we will always be in each other’s hearts and that we will meet again in Heaven. Needing help I took Alex to Tim, he told her to pray for her friend and to pray for comfort for all (including herself) who may be sad, missing someone or scared. 

She is asleep in our room... she may sleep in here for a while. 

I’m not mad that she knows what happened. However, I’m sad that her childlike innocence and joy has been replaced with a real weight of the fallen world style of fear. 

She is not too little to learn to turn to God for comfort, she’s not too little to know that her emotions are real, but she is still little. She still needs me. For that reason she is sleeping sound right beside me. 

Lord, I pray for this little angel, for all who miss someone and for babies who have to grow up fast in this fallen world. I pray you give them guidance, grace and love. I pray to know how to help my baby girl. 

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